Gossip and the Church

Gossip and the Church

He that rebukes a man afterwards shall find more favor than he that flatters with the tongue.

Proverbs 28: 23

One of the biggest challenges facing any community is encouraging people to keep good values and relate to each other in a healthy loving way. A church community is special in that there will be people in many stages of spiritual and emotional development with a responsibility to care for, encourage and grow each others’ relationship with God- and that relationship with God is the most important factor for being part of the community.

We may believe ‘everyone should do and think as I do,’ forgetting that we are all a little different, all very human and all at various stages of developing faith. What do we do when something upsets or offends us? How can we rebuke someone lovingly who seems to be hurting others, so that they feel they are being reached out to and can hear the concern and will respond? How do we prevent our rebukes becoming our own sinfulness?

It is very easy to react with righteous indignation to other people around us and miss that in doing that we ourselves are behaving without recourse to grace. Gossip is a way of rebuke which threatens stability and unity in a community, yet is so common as to be happening every single day!

Ironically people gossip in the first instance in an attempt to establish unity and stability- to get others to see what they see and support their perception. But having once put something out there in a context of secrecy we have no influence on what happens to it. If the comment is potentially damaging- even false - by the time it reaches the light of day many people may be involved in unwittingly being mean-spirited or destructive. All because one person speaks emotionally without thought that their feelings and actions may not be representative of the big picture.

Jesus said ‘blessed is he who neither offends nor takes offence in me’ ( Matthew 11 ) The questions to ask oneself about this: if I am offended by certain activities or values is it I who needs to shift ground? Am I responding because of events in my own history or make-up or beliefs which influence my level of feeling? Am I being fair and reasonable myself? Is there some other action I need to be taking rather than indiscriminately talking about it? Have I prayed about it?

Psalm 15 says ‘who shall dwell on thy holy hill? He that walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart. That backbites not with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his neighbor.’ Jesus told us quite clearly we are meant to love people even when they don’t love us or mean much to us!

It is very easy to respond with righteous indignation to others and miss when we ourselves are behaving without recourse to grace. Someone said to me recently ‘But I want my pound of flesh!’ Yet Jesus gave his body- his flesh- for everyone.

Sometimes we can panic or be angry that a particular situation needs instant resolution when it hasn’t unfolded yet. But we can trust God to take care of things long-term! Walking in the light and reflecting God in our responses means others will be reassured of God’s presence even if they are currently dissatisfied. Jesus said if our salt loses its savor what can we salt? Everything we do needs to be in good faith.

Gossip comes from judging and condemning. It’s a humorous older English word meaning God’s kinsman; we are not of course meant to sit in judgment ourselves!

Within a church encouraging less gossip means the people in key roles choosing their own words carefully and setting a firm example for how to lovingly and openly deal with each situation as it arises.

There are implications for church policy-makers. Does the organization have policies on specific things which have been seen to cause problems? Are these policies contemporary, realistic and compassionate? Are there procedures to address issues at each stage, and to assist people in devising and implementing solutions? How are people’s anxieties and hurt feelings dealt with as a community? Are people intentionally loved and treated lovingly anyway even when they are seen to fail or sin? If something isn’t working can it be altered or improved? And when the only answer is for a person to adopt self-sacrifice and give something up- how will they be supported and encouraged through that difficult part of their journey?

Most of all- does everyone present feel they have a role and a place in their part of ‘The Body of Christ’? The most common reason people gossip is simply- to participate and fit in!

-Tracy Pace January 2008